How Am I living Through This?

I wonder if there is a God, but there should be one,
How else am I living through this and having so much fun?
Or is this smile all fake and nothing short of a lie?
And perhaps I feel the truth pinching hard and life going awry.

So it all begins with who am I and which way I’m going,
Unsure, Uncertain- Stray or Great, I’ll know (perhaps) with the time moving.
But why not now, Can I shout and scream and say it all?
And confess my true self to the world in one full hall?

And I wonder about both of us too, my cute dream lover,
No longer cute- Not when you let those two tears drop off my eyes- No longer dear.
Or Am I again dragging myself from the great mirror?
Without you, I’m after all this ugly rainbow without colours.

And then are those two important people in my life.
One a father, over worked, and then a Mother- honest but rife,
Do I love you, yes I do. Do you love me, Yes, I’m sure,
Then why minors like truth and lies become vital amongst us matures?

So I’m living my life, am still alive,
God give me strength for some more time- I want to hold on to this journey called life.