Well, another offline blog post. No, I am not travelling this time. I am sitting on my chair, in front of my laptop, in my room, typing away to glory, while some stupid guests of my parents decided to visit us. Ah well- it’s a Sunday evening. My parents are being the nice hospitable hosts downstairs.
So much has been happening in life and sometimes it appears nothing is moving. The girl politely rejected the offer and we’ve decided to be friends. Well, I am not perturbed. It is a difficult job to snatch a girl from a commitment, especially, when you’re not willing to risk the chance of losing her friendship. Anyway, that chapter is closed and I am not going to proactively look at it any longer. I cherish my friendship with the girl in question and I can not and will not do anything stupid so as to lose her pal ship.
Talking of pal ship brings me to another phase that I went through last week. I think it was three or four evenings back. I went through the lowest phase- the usual, extreme loneliness syndrome that I dread so much. I came out of my aerobics class in the evening, cleaned myself of the sweat and went back to my desk. I think it was lurking around for a long time behind my mind, hidden somewhere. Soon as I reached my desk, it gripped me with both the hands. The hold was way too tight this time. I did try every bit to get out of it but it didn’t leave me. Diseases find the best victims in dirt- my mind couldn’t have been a better place- with all the darkness and seclusion. I went to the room ‘Friends’. I wonder why they named it ‘Friends’, when I have seen so many (me included on multiple occasions) go inside the room all alone to get the mask out of our faces and be unaided with our real selves. I called the telephone number and a reply came- to call again after 10 minutes. I called again and we spoke- not for more than five minutes but we spoke and I was less of a hazard for myself and for anyone else after the talk. The tears came and the tears went. The search will continue though because it certainly hasn’t ended here. We might meet again in January- I am not sure, if I will go through the same emotional tumult then. I still remember the way I escaped from the Delhi airport- teary eyed and all. What a loser!
I need to get less emotional, about people and about situations. How will I do that? I am not sure as yet. Will I ever be sure? I am not sure, again.
2 comments:
Hey Pronoy i thought it has happened only to me... "THE DREADED LONLINESS SYNDROME....."
but it happens... n u know wat it strikes u suddenly... esp when u least expect it... like when ur very happy n wanna shae it with sm1n u realise that there is no1 u can share ur feelings with. there maybe people u can hear but not who can listen to... i have many "friends" but at times im so alone n probably i want to be alone... coz deres so much in me i myself want to know & understand...
n syndrome helps to unleash the feeling trapped inside us... the fear, the happiness, the excitement, the insecurity.... n when does tears come out n they flow v feel terrible but once they stop flowing that feeling is indescribable... it feels heavenly n v at that moment feel dat v have conquered the world...
they say one famous story b/w a man & tear...
man once asked the tear : "y do u come to my eyes in front of so may people???"
the tear replied : "among so many people i find u lonely, hence i come out to give u company"......
adios....
A refreshing attempt at honestly trying to describe what you were going through.
Cheers and keep it going
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